I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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