I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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