I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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