afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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