Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
