My Higher Power is John Stamos
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he fucked my hip out of place.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
