I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
