No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize