The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
