She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
