He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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