We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
