i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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