if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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