You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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