i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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