Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
