we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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