I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
