Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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