fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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