hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Bring me that man meat
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
