TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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