I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How naked do you want me to be?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
