I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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