well I can't set my house on fire every night
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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