You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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