david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
