Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Bring me that man meat
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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