On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
