I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize