do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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