I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
