My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
