i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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