and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
