So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
