I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
