In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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