Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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