I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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