alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
