My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
