Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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