I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
