He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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