sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
