I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
