Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
