glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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