we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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