My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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