We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I party with great urgency now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
