I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
