it was like his penis was on wheels.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
