we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
