u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
