tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she peed on how many people?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
