can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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