YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
