I wish I only lived at night.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
