Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize