Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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