WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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