He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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