True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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