If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
jump out the window naked night went bad
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