i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize