I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
