wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
be right there i have to get my cape
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
