I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize