Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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