oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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