I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize