She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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