Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
