We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
