oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
