i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Floor bacon is actually really good
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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