your parents love me but you hate me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think my vagina is haunted
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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