What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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