I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
