I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
