i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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