How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
