Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
