very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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