i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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