I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize