I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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