Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
