"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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