There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
