I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
