It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
