dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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